At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
