just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
