i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
