she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
