i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
