he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize