Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
