you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
