it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
