Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
