What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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