just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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