I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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