how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
