Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How external is "for external use only"?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
