so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
