In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
