At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
