i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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