Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
