Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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