I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
