Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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