I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
