Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
