every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
