After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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