if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
