Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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