I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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