I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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