I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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