Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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