Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Someone shit on the floor
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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