just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
