Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
