ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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