she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
