I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
