____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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