so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
