see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
