something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
