Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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