I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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