trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
