Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize