i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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