So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
