Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
