Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
