In the future we'll all be gay
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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