meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
