i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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