he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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