1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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