Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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