Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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