glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
