Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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