halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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