The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
