My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
