Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
