my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
