Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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