I was born with a shot glass in my hand
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize