Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
